When focusing on this week’s theme of self-discipline, I did some quick calculations and found my self-discipline, self-control and will-power levels to be hovering between low and abysmally negligible.
And with that realization, my levels of self-esteem and self-worth did the opposite of sky-rocket. Yep: plummeted. I’ve been going about making to-do lists and checking items off when they’re done, circling others to be accomplished later–with the niggling realization that my life has become littered with a minefield of ‘perhaps tomorrows’. Plus, I’ve been finding it easy to mark off tasks like laundry, shop, email, water plants, and putting off important stuff like ART.
Even though I have a legion of dreams, goals and projects on my mind, and even in differing stages of development, my reality is an aimless lack of direction and running about in ever-tightening circles.
Self-discipline requires a measure of passion for the quest, coupled with responsibility and a lack of the need for affirmation from others.
I am most productive when I’m surrounded by colleagues, have deadlines and expectations to meet, my morale getting a boost from the spirit of camaraderie. Alone in my flat, caged in my studio? My attention wavers, my focus is loosed, and I get distracted by the slightest sound, scent or hunger twinge.
If I was on a desert island, with no one to please, no one to be answerable or accountable to, and based on my current levels of self-discipline, my island would remain what its name implies: a desert.
Not being satisfied with desertification, here is a (short list) of goals for November:
- Become accountable to self.
- Put some challenges on my ‘to do’ list.
- Accomplish ALL the items on said list–at least making an attempt. (Sometimes half a check mark is better than a big zero.)
- Start writing a journal.
[Img.Src: Anna Severska of Monte Carlo Russian Ballet, Australia, 1936]